Contemplating
Over the last couple days I have seen a pattern. Watching Runaway Bride I was confronted with the fact that I too had some of the same issues she faced. I tend to not think about how a decision I make will affect the other person.
I believe its because I have already made up in my mind by whatever that person has done, that they simply do not care about me. Besides this, I previously read a book that borderline talked about this same issue.
The main character was getting married.
The unfortunate thing was that she hadn’t discussed her past with her future husband. She had been married before and was actually still in love with him. This is not me! But the facts regarding making a decision based on something that wasn’t valid rang true with me. I believe it has something to do with not wanting to be hurt any further than I am by that person and therefore completely removing them out of my life. I believe the next day after we officially called it quits I got a message from someone I’ve never been involved with but went to high school with and he previously told me he liked me. We been chatting off and on.
Now today I get a text from the guy. I was like really?
I think before I always assume that certain actions equate to being in a relationship instead of just sticking to the friendship thing. I initially wasn’t going to respond or even talk to him again. I decided that he hasn’t done anything to me that I didn’t realize he was and we never should have got together.
I do appreciate what he has contributed to my life, besides the frustration lol
He’s helped me to look at myself from a different angle, so I can make myself better.
Yesterday I stayed up late making cake pops for an event. It actually went pretty well. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to go because it cost $10 a person. It was for a great cause, but money is beyond tight right now.
Today I completed an application for Amazon. My hours at Paradise are dwindling, which I really haven’t minded, but at the same time I would appreciate more money. I have too many bills and expenses. I find myself consistently reminding myself that God is able. That He has brought me out before and He will do it again. Doesn’t mean I don’t get discouraged or frustrated. I just state my case and keep believing. I’ve forsaken everything I held on to, to make sure I stayed true to what He says.
I have to believe that waht He says in His word is true. I have to believe.
Shanda♥
