Sadness

It’s been a while since I’ve typed here. I find that even at almost 36, I’m finding there are lots of things about myself I failed to realize still exist. I find myself striving to become a better person in spite of this. I am learning about perseverance.

I’m learning to listen or at least trying to listen to God and what He wants me to do. Some things that have happened these last few months. Whew.

One of the huge big deal things was attending the funeral of a child I had watched in children’s church. Still in the process at that time of trying to process what had happened. Something else completely off my radar was the fact that a church friend was pregnant. Of course, I don’t expect perfection from people. It just really throws me off when different things happen.

Like really unexpected things.

When I found out about another church lady was pregnant, with twins, really kinda knocked the wind out of me.

As is life? Nothing has been going the way I’d hope or like to. I know I have to trust in the One who holds tomorrow. I believe that. Even when, especially when, it gets hard and confusing.

I’m trying to get right. And I’m thankful that me and mine are still here. That God gives me more time to do better. Thank you Lord for where I am. And that I am no longer where I used to be. I thank you that even though my teeth on the right side of my mouth have fallen out and my others are not as I’d hope, I am still able to smile.

Thank you Lord for being someone I can always count on even when I don’t understand. Thank you for your unconditional love. Thank you for wisdom. Forgiveness. Peace. Love.

Thank you Lord. Forever. I cannot thank you enough.

Love Always. Me.